When was the last time you actually took the time to listen to yourself?
I’m not talking about the way you speak to yourself, but the words you say to yourself.
- Are you critical of the risks you let yourself take?
- Impatient with your progress?
- Judgmental about your decisions?
As an executive coach, I am always surprised at how harsh some of my clients are with their self talk.
[quote]People who would never verbally abuse another do it to themselves every day.[/quote]
Even the words we hear only in our head have an affect on us.
[quote]The words we speak, echo in our heart, in our mind, in our soul.[/quote]
We make decisions, actions, resolutions based on those words we hear from ourselves.
Listen carefully to the words you use with yourself. Language is central to how we think. Its power is enormous and its influence can be piercing.
If you would never say it to someone else, don’t say it to yourself.
If it drains you rather than adding to your energy, stop saying it.
If it makes you feel sad, mad, or bad, stop saying it.
If it’s a tone you wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else, don’t tolerate it from yourself.
[quote]Words are X-rays of our heart, a connection between our inner life and the world around us.[/quote]
As leaders from within, we must be mindful to be a little bit kinder, gentler, smarter, softer—with ourselves.
Listen to your internal voice and learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect.
Pay attention to the words you use and the words you speak.
Your words have the power to make you your own worst enemy—or to guide yourself toward your best self.
Lead From Within: As a heart-based leader, be the poet of your experience. Be kind with your words and use language to empower.
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.
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66 Responses
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to “Your Words Have Power”
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June 5, 2013
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January 23, 2016
[…] Like computers respond to keystrokes, Our mind-body-spirit connection responds to what We say. Words have power so choose your words carefully. See also How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for […]
Martina
04. Jun, 2013
Well-said, Lolly. “Words are the x-ray of our heart.”
They reveal how we truly feel about others and their actions, and as you have reminded us, how we feel about and truly see ourselves.
Self-talk can either push us further into depresstion and keep us stuck in a place we no longer wish to be, or they can help us see a brighter future and find the positive energy to pursue it. It is a choice we must make over and over.
Excellent pointers and reminders.
lollydaskal
04. Jun, 2013
Martina
I always look forward to hearing what you have to say, I learn so much from you.
As you mentioned some of our self talk can lead to depression and keep us stuck.
So I say loudly so our inner and outer voices can hear…
Its about time we said NICE things about ourselves.
Its about time we appreciated ourselves for who we are and all the good we do!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your insights and thoughtful wisdom.
Lolly
Susan Henson
04. Jun, 2013
Great read, Lolly. I agree with your point about how we can be so willing to verbally abuse ourselves but never others. That said, the words we use about ourselves also tend to show up in what we say to others — a negative, critical internal voice often results the same type of external voice.
lollydaskal
04. Jun, 2013
Absolutely Susan what we say inwardly we express outwardly.
Great thought.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Lolly
Terri Klass
04. Jun, 2013
What a beautiful and important way to think about the words we say to ourselves, Lolly! Your encouragement to listen to “your internal voice and learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect” reminds us of our own value and worth. It is so easy to get lost in daily life routines and not take the time to look at our own feelings. Sometimes looking in a mirror and saying the words-” I love you” can move our negative thoughts to positive affirmation. Thanks Lolly!
lollydaskal
04. Jun, 2013
…..not only do we need to say it to ourselves as you mentioned above, but its also important to say it to those who you deeply appreciate and Terri are one woman I truly and deeply appreciate. Your constant and continuous support—all of it matters deeply to me.
It never goes unnoticed and is extremely empowering.
Thanks Terri you are truly appreciated. Hope your inner voice hears that. 🙂
Wayne McEvilly
04. Jun, 2013
Lolly-
Here you have your hand to the ground bass of the music of the self – there is no material more important than what you cover in this post to take up as our uninterrupted study, to really be moved to action by the truth that vigilance in language pays divedends in all departments of our life. Language is indeed and in fact the house of being – we build our selves with it, or misuse it at our peril.
You have a way of taking up the big subjects, and treating them with grace and simplicity – to come into the company of your thinking is always invigorating. Thank you.
Wayne
lollydaskal
04. Jun, 2013
Dearest Wayne,
You have a way with words, music to my ears, i love what you wrote: Language is indeed and in fact the house of being – we build our selves with it, or misuse it at our peril. you are correct!
To come into your company is to join a sympathy that is filled with notes of grace and serenity.
Thanks for your stopping by. I appreciate you so much!
Lolly
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
WORDS are direction signs
As Joseph Campbell stated,
FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.
Peg Gillard
04. Jun, 2013
Our thoughts create energy. We must choose them carefully to decide what energy we want to: bring to us, send out to ripple through the world, affect others, create our legacy, touch those we love and those we don’t yet know. I have begun to redirect those negative self-directed messages and turn them around. Great post, Lolly!
lollydaskal
04. Jun, 2013
Peg what a treat to see you here.
You are correct our thoughts have energy. our words have energy. Basically everything has energy.
we must be mindful to choose, select, decide what energy we want to bring. Exactly as you state!
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insightful wisdom.
I appreciate you.
Lolly
Jon Mertz
05. Jun, 2013
Great points, Lolly. It is a certain mindfulness we need to adopt, listening to what we are thinking and saying and ensuring we are letting the right things fade away and others to be heard clearly. An important reminder and enabler. Thank you! Jon
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
GREAT insight Jon, It is a certain mindfulness we need to adopt, listening to what we are thinking and saying and ensuring we are letting the right things fade away and others to be heard clearly.
The more we understand words and the layers within them, the more it helps us to understand our path and purpose.
Richard
05. Jun, 2013
Lolly, terrific post! A wonderful reminder that so much of how we do and what we do is based on our choices and decisions, our own conversations with ourselves.
Thank you for framing and reminding so eloquently that looking in the mirror, and reminding ourselves that the broken, mistake-making, life loving, blessed, forgiven, beautiful work in progress that is staring back is indeed powerful, capable, personally accountable and in charge. Thank you!
Richard
Jerry
05. Jun, 2013
Outstanding reminder of how we can build up or damage our own self esteem and effectiveness, Lolly. Another winning article, thank you.
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Jerry,
Understanding the power of words and what it means helps us recognize the depth and its essence can be enormously empowering.
the words we speak come alive and by learning how we speak to ourselves can inspire ourselves to achieve our dreams.
Thanks Jerry for your thoughtful comment. I appreciate you.
Frank Sonnenberg
05. Jun, 2013
This is an AWESOME post Lolly.
As you say, “Your words have the power to make you your own worst enemy — or to guide yourself toward your best self.”
My hope is that after reading this, people to stop and listen to themselves. Thanks for sharing.
Best,
Frank
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Thanks Frank, for stopping by, its a real treat to see a poet of words stop by and acknowledge my sentiments. I am grateful for your friendship and leadership.
Lolly
Karin Hurt
05. Jun, 2013
It’s particularly important to keep the self-talk positive when others are negative. Listen cloesly to their concerns, and then dig deeply into you heart and lsten to what you most need to hear.
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Dear Karin
You are correct when you say self talk positive when others are negative is so important.
Because as we know WORDS DO HAVE POWER.
There are words of success, and words of distress.
There are words of progress and words of regress.
Understanding that words have power is like uncovering and revealing the true intent of our meaning.
rlohariwala
05. Jun, 2013
GREAT,ALMOST DAILY WE DEPLATE OUR TIME/ENERGY BY WRONG NEGETIVE NLP WHICH WE MUST PRACTICE TO AVOID.AT THE SAME TIME AS WE APPRECIATE AND MOTIVATE OUR TEAM,WE CAN AND MUST DO THE SAME TO OURSELVES,THE POWER OF SELF-HYPNOSYS CAN DO WONERS TO LIFT OUR MOOD AND ENERGY LEVEL.
Dan Dukes
05. Jun, 2013
With certainty, our words which of course originate internally, whether they are projected outwardly or remain inside as in the case of “self-talk” create emotions. Emotions have consequences within the body of the receiver whether they are directed inwardly or otherwise. Words are very powerful. In my work as a hypnotherapist. I fully understand the power of words and utilize them with this understanding in mind. For that very reason, I call the work in trance “surgery with words”.
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Words sell
Words repeal
Words lead
Words heal
Words kill
Words inspire
Words hurt
Words understand
words in the purest sense are able to unlock the importance and the value we put on ourselves!
as leaders we are capable of inspiring, motivating uplifting, exiting, or propelling. Words used the right way can make the human heart SING.
Tagrid Sihly
05. Jun, 2013
I’m reminded of the old saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I see now how false that statement actually is. Words can definitely hurt and they can even do unfixable damage. Words have the power to build or break relationships. The words we choose are powerful reflectors of our inner selves. It’s true that sometimes we use words to criticize ourselves and/or actions that are harsh and negative. But I think sometimes our expectations for ourselves are too high and we become too critical of our performance and behaviors. Great post.
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Thanks Tagrid,
Great insight: WORDS DO HURT!
Words are and have always been the creative force of our universe.
Words are the first building blocks for our success and inner peace, they provide the vision and the focus that show the way to growth and contribution.
Used incorrectly and negatively they are capable of destroying our best intentions.
Thanks for stopping by Tagrid, really nice to meet you!
Lolly
Panteli
05. Jun, 2013
Words have magical power. The ancients knew this, but we have come to take them and their power for granted. Thank you for reminding us, Lolly.
lollydaskal
05. Jun, 2013
Panteli
I love when you stop by and leave the sage of wisdom. you are correct words have magical powers!
Lets not forget!
Lolly
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
words have tremendous power. they can inspire us and we must make the choice to use them wisely.
Lucille Fisher
05. Jun, 2013
Lolly,
This is such an important post as we often don’t think about what we are saying to ourselves. Our words create our reality.
I recently read a fascinating book called “Words Can Change Your Brain” written by Dr. Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman, A quote taken directly from this book says “In fact, a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”
Thanks for the reminder.
Lucille
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Lucille,
As you said, its important to remember what we say to ourselves. because our words DO become our reality.
and thanks so much for the quote, I will most definitely read the book, it sounds wonderful.
Thanks for sharing.
Lolly
Alan Allard
05. Jun, 2013
Lolly, this topic is always relevant and you summed it up. As a former psychotherapist who is now consulting and coaching, every time I help a client elevate their self-talk, I am reminded to do so for myself. We can change our reality by changing the words we use.
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Alan what a great reminder…… Every time we help someone else, remember to look in the mirror.
Brilliant I love it.
Thanks.
Lolly
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
our soul never thinks without a picture. so lets be mindful with the words we paint in our pictures.
life gives us what we see and what we expect.
WORDS matter.
Jorge Silvestrini
05. Jun, 2013
It is difficult to stop and think before we speak! We must re-train ourselves to do it and to really make a habit of it…
Sometimes – we also need to steer away from people in our life who have the wrong words at the right time and the wrong words at the bad times…
Re-learn and choose wisely…
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Our words are the windows to our soul
Garren Fagaragan
06. Jun, 2013
Lolly…
A beautiful post…poetic…moving.
Thank you.
This 48 second video almost has a
million views…I recently discovered it.
A wonderful example of what being
kind with our words can do…
PURE Magic…
http://youtu.be/7Ygcl_DQ-Q4
Ramesh Chandra
06. Jun, 2013
Dear Lolly, the word is a mirror of our persona. Think then speak
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
finding the meaning to our words leads us to a path of leading.
as a leader we search for the path that will give us signs and clues and show us the way.
words are the clues to our leadership.
Thanks Ramesh!
FARAYI MHERE
06. Jun, 2013
The heart, the heart and lead from within, this is great thinking Lolly,ever since I came into contact with you ,you have inspired me with your wisdom and noe the issue of words said to oneself by oneself, I now realise that I words can built a kingdom or destroy one, from henceforth I shall speak only good about myself and try to examine the words I would have spoken through the day and the effect they had on me, keep posting Lolly
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Being a leader means finding the path and before you can find the path for others, you must be able to find your own. the words in our mind the words that we speak, they lead us to our inner discovery, our inner journey. it is where we find ourselves – face to face with the words we speak and the thoughts we have.
leading always starts from within.
Pascal Chapuis
06. Jun, 2013
Great truths ! Great thougths ! Great work ! Congratulation for your post !
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Thanks Pascal,
Words have power within!
ALL words have secrets, they teach us who we are and what we are all about.
By breaking down words, layer by layer, we uncover the true pure meaning and we can tap into a force that will help us find its purpose.
a word to you: THANKS
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Lolly
Andrea Hypno
06. Jun, 2013
Being a Hypnotherapist I surely agree that words have power, our own words as well as those of others. Words and thoughts are the main way to get either weeds or flowers in the garden of our mind and everyone knows, or should know, that our thoughts shape our destiny and the life we live.
Just perfectly explained for example by James Allen in As a Man Thinketh.
And it is also true that many times we don’t have a high enough opinion on ourselves and while we usually remember well many things we did wrong we easily forget what we did right.
Beautiful post Lolly.
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Andrea, I have never read As a Man Thinketh
It sounds like there is a lot of wisdom in it.
I like the wisdom that you expand upon, how we always remember the bad and we do not remember the good things …
WORDS can remind us.
WORDS can make us remember.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Lolly
Manoj Wadhe
07. Jun, 2013
A WORD can also motivate us. I have experience a lot. Whenever I got attacked by any tensions in my life I used to read motivational thoughts from great people and that inspire me, give me energy to fight against problems.
Great post from you Lolly.
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Manoj
Thanks for stopping by, we each must remember that our words light the path of our journey.
Thanks Lolly
Tracy Williams
07. Jun, 2013
Thank you for this reminder. I started reading (per my coach) Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer….urgh…..stopped reading it. I will go back to it. All about the conversations in my head. The not so nice chatter. Thank you for ALL you do-great reminders for me! hugs to you!
lollydaskal
10. Jun, 2013
Tracy,
We all have those conversations. But what we do with them is where we can thrive.
Luke Roland
07. Jun, 2013
I love your point of being the poet of your experience! You can always tell where you are going by what you are saying. The one thing that shapes us the most is what we say. Thanks for sharing such powerful truths!
lollydaskal
10. Jun, 2013
Luke,
we are all poets of our lives.
Thanks for stopping by!
Lolly
Carl
10. Jun, 2013
There is a song lyric by Michael Card that goes “Most of the words we use are not worth being heard.” That is so often the case with self talk. And equally common with the distracting noise we use to substitute for conversation. The power of words is in the clarity of use, and alignment with truth. Highly aligned or completely misaligned words gain great power and most of the stuff in the middle…well not so much. The power of our words like many things comes from there use, and our belief in their truth. Thanks for the words Lolly!
lollydaskal
10. Jun, 2013
Carl great lyrics…
something to think about that is for sure!
John Ness
10. Jun, 2013
Hi, Lolly. I agree with what you wrote. I think if we truly accepted ourselves, we wouldn’t say such harsh things to ourselves. Many people I’ve heard talk about this have said that one of the keys to self-esteem is to talk yourself up and stop insulting yourself; I think that puts the cart before the horse. If you find your real value, you’ll have no reason to insult yourself and no need to talk yourself up. Your confidence will simply be there.
lollydaskal
10. Jun, 2013
I wish it was that easy John! Confidence is there when you have a good foundation of spirit, soul and heart. I wish it was so easy as saying as talking yourself up. I believe it takes much more than that….. It takes a whole mind, heart and soul make over.
Mehdi
11. Jun, 2013
Great insight about words’ power, but let me just share an other scope about words. It is a part of a blank verse once said by the famous Arabic poet Nizar Kabbani. Quote : ” Words are dead when spoken”
Dorothy Dalton
14. Jun, 2013
Lolly – I’m late coming to this – but completely agree on your two main points – the power of language and also the power of our internal critic. From my perspective it’s about an ability to identify our success stories, put those stories into words and then own them.
As a career coach I frequently ask people to ” tell me about yourself”. It is a trick question! Many will say ” worked on” or “co ordinated” or ” assisted” when they are responsible for significant pieces of activity. They will describe themselves as ” quite” + adjective when their results clearly tell a different and much stronger story.
I think we need to give ourselves permission to be successful and use powerful language! Nice strong action words especially. A few good adjectives and adverbs I also appreciate.
This is not bragging – just factual description!
Robert Hubbard
07. Sep, 2014
Thought Provoking. ” If your would never say it to someone else, don’t say it to yourself ” I am surely guilty of this at least once or twice a day. I am undoubtedly my own worse critic. Yet I border on obsessive when it come to my own words and the effect they have on others. It has been said that the true measure of a man’s ( or woman’s ) words is there ability to promote food for thought. Well once again Mrs. Daskal I leave your table full and carrying a doggie-bag. Thank You.
Benjamin Qualls
18. Mar, 2015
Dear Lolly,
I’ve read your comments on the power of words and the comments thereafter. My career has been broad, from the oil industry to business consulting to soft skill training, and the most important contributing ingredients to being successful in all endeavors are powerful words that encourage, inspire, and motivate. Words have a creative force that have power whether in thought, or spoken, or written. Proverbs 18:21 says, :”Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” I join you and all those who understand and regards its power… “let;s be careful out there”!
Madelaine
31. May, 2015
An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a
coworker who was doing a little research on this.
And he in fact ordered me lunch due to the fact
that I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So let me reword this….
Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to talk
about this topic here on your blog.
Name (required)
01. Jul, 2016
yes truly! Words Have A Power which change oyr life……. realy Good Thoughts…
Faha tahir
01. Jul, 2016
yes trylly Words Have a Power to Change your life…..
Good Thougts 🙂
Anna Maria Hurst
29. Jul, 2018
Hi Lolly
Thankyou so much for your inspiring website: i have just used some of your words in my management assignment (Referenced of cause)….I have known the power that words have but reading the posts on here has inspired me to become a BETTER person with what I say, how I say it and to love and appreciate myself more.
Thanks for the inspiration
Anna.
Debra Kasowski
18. May, 2020
“Words are X-rays of the hearts…”, what a powerful phrase!
Thank you for your wisdom Lolly! Our words carry more and power and influence than we give them credit for. I read an article that said that “ideas and words are what star wars” not actions. The more aware person is aware of the power of their words, the greater peace a person will feel. The war starts within.
X-rays of our hearts reveal what is in our hearts and minds about ourselves and how we view the world around us.
lollydaskal
07. Jun, 2013
Lets use our INsight with our thoughts to produce the words that will propel us to a life of much meaning and success.