Imagine telling someone: “I’m going to be taking you on a long, dangerous, and difficult trip. There will be times you are likely to be very uncomfortable, and there may be terrible storms. I’m not going to tell you where we are going, why we are going, where we are going, or how we will get there. Just TRUST ME. “
How do you think that would make anyone feel?
In organizations, when a leader is implementing organizational change – when a boss is making major decisions that will affect employees – it doesn’t work to say “just trust me.”
Like frightened children, people will come up with all kinds of reasons to resist and refuse why they do not want to come along on the trip – even if it’s a good one!
Most of us, do not want to take trips into the unknown and without a destination.
Telling people “just trust me” is naiveté at its worst.
It shows an enormous amount of disrespect, sometimes even dishonesty. And, maybe even delusional!
In business today, trust has to be earned. In leadership today, trust has to be gained.
Trust is being congruent: Match your words with your actions what you say you will do you do. Being trusted is being dependable.
Trust is embracing transparency. When it comes to trust, the more you reveal the more you can see. When trust is transparent it can be embraced.
Trust is honoring promises. Keep what you promised – and if you can go the extra mile and honor and deliver more than you promised.
Trust is a two-way street. To make someone trustworthy, you need to trust them first. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
Trust is risk.Trust lies between faith and probability. To risk is to put yourself out of your comfort zone.Take the risk and have the faith in trust to pull you through.
Trust is a relationship. Trust begins with the self in relationship with another. Trust others as you would wish to be trusted.
Trust is the glue when it comes to organizational change. it is a foundational element that holds us together.
Trust your people so they can engage and be part of the change.
Trust your people so they can enroll and add value to the change.
Trust your people so they can embrace and understand and respect the change.
Lead from within: Any leader who says “just trust me” and expects loyalty is going to get a group of employees who resent the journey instead of enjoying the adventure. Trust grasps another human being in their innermost core of loyalty.
N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
Additional Reading you might enjoy:
- 12 Successful Leadership Principles That Never Grow Old
- A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
- How to Succeed as A New Leader
- 12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
- 4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
- The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
- The Deception Trap of Leadership
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.
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45 Responses
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to “Great Leaders Don’t Say Just Trust Me”
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May 17, 2013
[…] Daskal of Lead From Within offers great advice for building trust in her post, Just Trust Me. My favorite point, “Trust is a two-way street. To make someone trustworthy, you need to […]
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May 27, 2016
[…] Dank an Lolly Daskal für ihren mal wieder großartigen Blogpost, der meine Meinung nicht besser hätte ausdrücken können und damit Grundlage für meinen Beitrag […]
Lou Bortone
26. Feb, 2013
Hi Lolly,
Great post, and you’ve hit the nail right on the head once again. What resonates most for me is “trust is honoring promises.” Making and keeping commitments is the foundation of building trust. Thanks for your insights and leadership…
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Lou,
How great to see you here. I TRUST all is well…..
I can just imagine why “trust is honoring promises” and why its so important to you.
I have missed you… maybe a visit is in order?
Lolly
Lou
13. Nov, 2014
Hi Lollly,
I’m so happy being a fan of yours quite a while now.
I am proud of you.
TRUST is a significant value more than great wealth.
Thank you for the enlightenment 🙂
Lou
Shamik Desai
06. Feb, 2016
Amazing article Lolly Daskal ! Each subtitle is so precise.
We often experience trust and mistrust in business and personal life. The article certainly inspires to adopt the positive option. And so well said, “TRUST does not have to be costly. There is a price to pay for NO TRUST and frankly I am not sure its worth the risk not to trust”
We are grateful to you Dolly for your insights. You do inspire us to choose the right path.Will continue to respect you and pray for you. Thanks indeed !
Shamik Desai
Martina
26. Feb, 2013
Great post Lolly.
Trust is part of our personal system of integrity. All of the things that you have listed, and so much more, are part of it, but it must all work together in lock-step.
Trust is the glue that keeps relationships together- personal and organizational.
It is also one of the few things that is almost impossible to regain once it has been broken.
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Martina
You know what they say about trust …Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack.
Once trust is broken it is hard to mend.
And you are correct TRUST is part the elements of integrity.
Thanks for stopping by, your insights are most valuable.
Lolly
Jacques Werth
26. Feb, 2013
It is entirely possible to gain the trust, of one person at a time, in less than 30 minutes. That outcome can be achieved with about 90% of the people you engage.
If you teach it to several people in your organization, they can become the foundation of an organizational culture of mutual trust and respect.
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
You say its entirely possible to gain trust, one person at a time.. yes that is true ….if they have elements of Competence, Connection, Credibility, Communication, Cooperation, Consistency.
How we act and what we say, matters.
Thanks for your ever very thoughtful contribution to the article. I truly appreciate you.
Rob Peters
26. Feb, 2013
Thank you Lolly for this wonderful article.
This hyper-connected and emerging social business world requires a leader who can communicate a vision, share a passion, provide support, and trust her team to play their important roles.
The amount of change industries and businesse are going to experience the next 10 years will rquire a culture of trust that can transcend any technology or business process transformation to satisfy & grow clients
It is the true servant-leader that will earn Relationship Capital (RC) from his or her stakeholders and will lead by example because trust is a verb.
In the face of this ever-changing world of business, let the trusted adventures begin.
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Rob
Wonderful thoughts…. it bears repeating your wisdom. Because I entirely agree!
The amount of change industries and business are going to experience the next 10 years will rquire a culture of trust that can transcend any technology or business process transformation to satisfy & grow clients
It is the true servant-leader that will earn Relationship Capital (RC) from his or her stakeholders and will lead by example because trust is a verb.
Thanks for sharing!
Caín Márquez
26. Feb, 2013
Very nice one… it all means that trust is the consecuence of a true leadership!!
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Trust is the glue of our relationship, leadership, friendship….
Solomon
26. Feb, 2013
Lolly, thanks for your usual wisdom!
Trust is as you pointed out the foundation upon you build relationships. And relationships grow based on the trust you maintain with those you work. However, I don’t think trust is a cheap commodity (as you rightly mentioned) that can be easily gained, especially now at this time when budgets are tight and every decision you make as a leader is seen in different lights, even by your closest ones.
Thanks again for this wonderful reflection.
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Solomon
I understand the cuts in organizations.
I see the budgets constraints in companies.
I know what happens in organization where there is no trust. Total chaos.
TRUST does not have to be costly. There is a price to pay for NO TRUST and frankly I am not sure its worth the risk not to trust.
Lolly
Ted Whetstone
26. Feb, 2013
Trust is an earned state; it is not a command!
There are two layers of trust (at least):
1) Transactional Trust – that you do what you say you will, when you will, etc., including many of your points above.
2) Authentic Trust – that you trust the integrity of the individual, what they stand for, their values, etc.
I think too often people focus on the former as evidentiary trust and are afraid to really express the latter.
For me, the vulnerability and willingness to let people WHO you are as a commitment in the world creates a far greater emotional connection than transactional trust alone. Ideally, both together can create life bonds.
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Ted,
Great insights, wonderful to share with my readers!
Dave McDowell
26. Feb, 2013
Lolly,
Thank you for your insights on trust in leadership. I had to share with you about how your article made an impact on me in what may not have been your expectation as you wrote it. As a retired police sergeant that worked 25 years in the Orange / Los Angeles County area of California the aspects of your article on developing trust within an organization are extremely valuable. However, knowing that you personally came from a background of being homeless and orphaned I immediately had an interest in your article addressing trust.
I have a passion for protecting children in war torn areas of our world and have some opportunities in the works that may allow my wife and me to relocate to Africa for a few years. As a Christian (which is a word that stirs up the “trust” word in many) I read your article this morning inserting God for any place that referred to boss. It was challenging during this time of waiting on direction. Do I really trust God to know what is best for me? Is he trustworthy? God routinely gets blamed for church problems, hypocrisy, and the failings of others (kind of like supervisors).
The result – I do trust him. However, the challenge to put my trust into action and not just talk remains. So thank you for the not intended consequence of your article. Trust is such an important topic in the times we live in – thank you for your insights!
lollydaskal
26. Feb, 2013
Dave,
Trust is an important topic. That is one of the reasons I will be dedicating a whole series on it after I finish my change series.
Trust in humans
Trust in god
Trust in relationships
Trust in life
Trust yourself.
The endless topics, the questions and the expansive meaning of the subject can be a whole set of articles but for now to address what you mentioned.
Trust is the glue that holds us all of it together- just as love does.
And I see you –have love in your heart. You care for others, you care for children.
You are a beautiful soul Dave, and for that I am honored to know you and grateful I have the opportunity to read all about the good you are doing out in the world.
Bless you.
Bless your heart.
Lolly
PS read PROOF of HEAVEN and see if you can trust god then..
ghazi fahed. yehia
26. Feb, 2013
Thanks lolly
Great to read more
God bless u to give more
ghazi fahed. yehia
26. Feb, 2013
Trust in you
dawoodchishti
26. Feb, 2013
Winning trust means steering the will of others through heart-links. lolly! Unique is your style and canvassing your words are. Being passionate you have lighted another candle of feels.
Fragrance and smile be yours!
Ilknur Dortkose
26. Feb, 2013
Trust others as you would wish to be trusted…the beginning of every relationship. The base of growth and succes personal as well in business. Your words are sincere and very passionate. Your confidence in personal leadership is great. Love to read your blog.
John Paul
26. Feb, 2013
Dear Lolly,
You always inspire me, in more ways than you will ever know. What a wonderful article on trust.
When i was child, trust was an innate part of my being that enabled me to take that first step and then the next and finally to run. Life was to be explored and shared.
As i grew older, my memories of betrayal and hurtful events began to cloud that innate point of view. And yet without that sense of empowered being how would i continue with another step?
People may not always earn my trust but they are always worthy of it. That is because trust is what empowers us to reach out to others, to encourage, praise, and help them. Trust makes it possible to greet each person with a child like smile. And it helps us get back up when we fall.
I believe that people are innately trusting and worthy of trust. It is the same with hope and love. It’s an essential ingredient for us moving forward – together. As such, trust needs to be honored with the integrity of actions in all the ways you so loving illustrate.
Thank you.
Dr.Khalid
26. Feb, 2013
Very nice article,
To gain trust of others people have see evidences of your upright and competent character
The other point many trust the imperfect human being over the Perfect One, God, Allah; hence reversing the formula of the true worship by honoring creation over the true submission to the Creator which leads to the worst consequence ever.
Aziz ur Rehman
27. Feb, 2013
what a wonderful article. I like so much. you inspired me very well. I want to learn something to you.
Rb Salleh
27. Feb, 2013
I have full trust with your truthful article. I shared it with my friends & office mates.
Rose McSween
27. Feb, 2013
Hi Lolly – Check out some of the work of Professor Bob Hurley at Fordham University on trustworthiness. He has recently launched a Consortium of Trustworthy Organizations. You might be interested.
Best regards – Rose
Nikki Doke
27. Feb, 2013
This was an excellent post. It really made me think how often I hear the phrase “Just trust me.” You’re absolutely right that the phrase should not represent reason enough for employees to follow leadership of their organization. The same goes for relationships in all aspects of our lives!
There is an enormous amount of risk involved in going off of trust–especially when you haven’t been given reasons to follow. People value relationships built on trust and we need to be shown (actions speak louder than words!) solid reasons to put our faith in our leadership. We want to know why. We want to know how.
Thanks, Lolly!
Nikki
Paul Jolicoeur
03. Mar, 2013
Thanks Lolly for this post, trust is always a risk. We put hope in another person and trust they will be faithful to the responsibility. Trust requires risk because nothing is certain when we put something we care about in another person’s hands.
Rehan Uddin
05. Mar, 2013
A nice thanks Lolly Appu,(in bengali), For this an imperative article with your brilliant wisdom “proud of this pride Trust”
I truly felicitation you, say to Allah bless your heart and Trust.
D'Anne Hotchkiss
05. Mar, 2013
Lolly, while trust is necessary, it is communication and openness that makes trust possible. Tell people what you’re going to do, then do it, then report back on what you’ve done and the results. Ask questions, invite input, adopt the recommendations that you can, modify others so they can be adopted, and when necessary, explain why the remainder cannot become part of the road map for change. At every step, report back and ask more questions. Great post.
aabubakkar.m.a
09. Mar, 2013
Lolly i trust you
Jay
13. Mar, 2013
Thank you Lolly!
Very good post, and very relevant as trust is at the core of leadership. I appreciate your insight and wisdom.
Jay
Greg Marcus
17. May, 2013
Lolly – great advice. And I would add that the converse is true. If you are an employee who is in an organization undergoing change, and your leadership is saying “just trust me”, if they are not transparent and are not keeping promises – you would probably do well not to trust them. Instead, trust your gut.
hammoudakhil
23. May, 2015
Thank you so much Lolly
To trust to chance
Dawood Chishti
23. May, 2015
Type your comment here…
Dawood Chishti
23. May, 2015
Trust me; It’s a call of the heart.
Nazir
05. Nov, 2015
Hi Lolly,
You are the most wonderful and heart warming woman I have listened and read about, God bless you always and peace and harmony and happiness be with you always too.
Suman cherukuri
17. Jun, 2016
Hi Lolly, I am really glad to be part of your network and I am in total agreement that trust defines us and directs us towards larger meaning personally and professionally.
Have. Great week ahead
Warm regards
Suman cherukuri
Erik
02. Jul, 2016
Hi Lolly,
Great post, the foundation of a good workplace is created by organizational truth. As someone who has dealt with individuals in a leadership position, it is amazing how many people demand trust before they develop a relationship with the person. What would happen if either person makes a mistake? Can they overcome the mistake?
lollydaskal
05. Jul, 2016
Everybody, everyone, can overcome a mistake, that is what life is about, doing better after you have failed.
Jim Vasconcellos
23. Aug, 2016
This is good. But it leaves out key components about Trust as an assessment. When we choose to trust, we are positively assessing the other’s competence in the particular domain of action. Trust is not global. I might trust my kids to have familial loyalty, or to not lie to me, but I won’t let my 5 year old operate the lawn mower, no matter how earnestly she says she can do it without hurting anything. Part of that assessment is based on a known history of behavior. We need to have a more comprehensive model of trust. For more, please read my blog post. I’d love your feedback Lolly. http://goo.gl/jvAkWq
Jim Russell
07. Dec, 2017
Lolly I agree with you. Asking for trust without providing evidence of worth is a tempting shortcut, but it holds no value. Instead, strong and viable relationships plus a record of trustworthiness can make tedious discussions, explanations, and requests more palatable.