Today I ask you to honor yourself. I know what you are probably thinking: that the best leaders are the ones who are of service to others.
But in the work I do with CEOs and organizations, I have found that most masterful leaders, the ones who lead with heart, are the ones who begin with honoring themselves.
[quote style=”boxed”] Honoring yourself doesn’t mean feeding your ego or inflating your importance. [/quote]
It means seeing the truth of who you are and leading from that strength.
It means that if you are in a jam you do not compromise on your values but you stand firm in your integrity.
It means that if you are accountable, you take responsibility.
How can you become a HEART-BASED leader who honors yourself?
Get Acquainted: Work to know yourself—all the way through.
Ask yourself: What do I need to learn about myself today?
Be Transparent: Be direct and transparent with yourself. We’re all subject to some degree of illusion, but it’s important to look past that to the truth.
Ask yourself: Who am I, really?
Respect Your Boundaries: Leaders tend to focus on giving, but failing to replenish leads to burnout. Remember the importance of caring for yourself.
Ask yourself: What do I need?
Be Honest: Be open to all about what you’re feeling—especially when it’s something uncomfortable. Show your humanity by refusing to hide your fears and vulnerabilities.
Ask yourself: What are my feelings telling me?
Reinvest In Yourself: Be kind to yourself. Work on releasing regret, anger, fear and anxiety. Invest your time in the things that make you feel good.
Ask yourself: How can I surpass self-defeat and find positivity?
Open Your Heart: As leaders we are always trying to make sense and bring logic to everything. Be open to hearing the voice of your heart.
Ask yourself: What will it take to quiet my mind so I can listen to my heart?
Express Thanks: Write each day all the things you are grateful for in yourself and in your life. Honor the good within and around you with gratitude.
Ask yourself: What am I grateful for today?
State Your Purpose: Understand your own sense of purpose. Craft a mission that reflects the vision you have for your life.
Ask yourself: What do I want of myself?
When you honor yourself, when you give yourself the same love and respect you give to others, you can free yourself from comparison and self-doubt.
[quote style=”boxed”] Never be afraid to show what is in your heart. Never be ashamed to show what you are capable of.[/quote]
By honoring ourselves you are making the statement that we have more to share, more to give, more to respect and more to bring value to.
Lead from Within: As a heart-based leader honoring yourself, show respect, integrity, and responsibility to your heart. Understand that you are here not only to give but also to receive.
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.
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36 Responses
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June 14, 2013
[…] As a leader do you give yourself permission to honor yourself so you don’t feel depleted and you are more incline to handle conflict because you are NOT feeling stretched emotionally. Honor Yourself […]
Martina
07. May, 2013
Great post Lolly.
I think of all those you mentioned, boundaries are among the most important. We allow people to distort them, abuse them, disregard them, distort them at their pleasure. Then we become angry and resentful with them and at ourselves when things are no longer comfortable or the goals are not being reached.
As heart-based leaders we must love, honor and respect ourselves. There is an old adage which says that we cannot give what we do not possess.
Also as heart-based leaders we must protect that heart. It is our center and our base of operation.
Sharon Reed
07. May, 2013
Lolly/Martina,
Your thoughts echo my own and resonate on so many levels.
As a recovering ‘people pleaser’ I have struggled at times with honoring myself and my own needs for fear of being ‘selfish’, though I have also learned that ‘people pleasing’ in the absence of self-care is really just another way of abdicating responsibility for ourselves.
As we begin to shift from outer to inner; as we being to honor and grow in love and respect for our own selves; we not only free ourselves from the trappings of everyone else’s opinion, but ironically, we become better able to provide for and serve others in the process.
Thanks for another insightful post!
lollydaskal
07. May, 2013
Sharon,
I experience your grace and dignity. I acknowledge your inner and outer beauty.
For me you are the ROLE model. the REAL thing.
Someone to emulate someone who inspires others.
I honor you as you shall honor yourself.
Honored to know you.
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
Don’t allow fear to hold you back from your greatest potential – the greatest potential which is you.
lollydaskal
07. May, 2013
Martina,
You are so right, we cannot give what we do not possess.
How we honor ourselves will set the foundation on how
we honor others.
As always your input and insight is brilliant.
I honor you deeply.
Thanks!
Lolly
Panteli
07. May, 2013
Good morning everyone,
As the eldest of five children raised on a family farm, I started caring for others (siblings) very early. Putting others’ needs ahead of mine has been a lifelong pattern, and at some point, it went from habit to hard-wired.
Martyr complex can sneak up on us…
Respecting, Replenishing and Reinvesting in self are three things I need to work on. Thank you for posting, Lolly, and for sharing, Martina and Sharon.,
Gratitude, Panteli
lollydaskal
07. May, 2013
With much Gratitude to you Panteli,
I can just imagine what it must be like be a person who loves to nurture others, caring for others, that it makes it harder to make space for honoring thyself.
I truly appreciate you sharing from the heart it means a lot to at #leadfromwithin.
I honor you.
Lolly
Freda
07. May, 2013
Thank you for this Lolly Daskal. Just like Sharon and Martina have said I struggle with being seen as Selfish and then in the bid not to be seen as a people pleaser go overboard by not being sensitive to others. The balance is surely stuck by listening to my heart and not being afraid to show my vulnerabilities. I find that it is when I do this that I get divinely appointed help to keep me going!
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
Each of us has light that shines bright within us.
The challenge for us is to keep on recognizing that shining part of ourselves even when its the last thing we wish to do or know how to do.
Learn to honor yourself in small baby steps. By asking ourselves the important questions that will uncover true self
elainepinkerton
07. May, 2013
As I continue to battle my self-punishing internal narrator (adoption issues, which in my memoir TheGoodbyeBaby-A Diary about Adoption I call “Edgar,” this is exactly what I need to reinforce. Beautifully expressed and very inspiring, this post is truly a gift. Thanks for offering it to us.
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
To honor yourself fully, you must stop hiding behind people pleasing and fear and martyr hood.
To Lead with honor is to stop postponing what we have come here to do. In order to do so, we must dive deep into ourselves so we can move forward with passion and purpose.
Sterling Ledet
07. May, 2013
I stand for myself, but against no one.
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
Leading with heart is standing for self and others.
Sterling Ledet
08. May, 2013
One may dishonor an other by standing for them when they do not wish to be stood for.
One may also find one’s self standing in the way of an other’s journey as they struggle to learn to stand for and by themselves, despite the noblest of intentions.
True love allows the butterfly time to emerge from the cocoon and recognizes that the process cannot be hurried.
Steven Coleman
07. May, 2013
Hi Lolly, I honor your words. I don’t think there is anyone that needs it more then me to just set back and remember to breathe and relax will be so much out of character for me lately. I think people get so busy trying to do good and save everyone else we forget to save our self. I know I need saved. I have made many mistakes in my life and had some bad things happen but never have I felt sorry for myself, now I am a brighter smarter man I use my time to help others because I feel it is the only thing I can give back to others, Everyone wants the same as me but I admit I have been hitting things very hard but the reason for me is I don’t know how long I will be around for my family and loved ones and I know time waits on no one. Its hard for me to get others to believe in me for a reason maybe when I figure that out I will have some resolve but the very people that are suppose to support me and my ideals are the ones that make this harder then it has to be even though my intensions are good and I aim to help them all. I feel like if I cant convince them to work with me then how will I ever convince the World to buy into what my message is and its not a bad message. I don’t think anyone has the answer to that, Not even me. Thanks for your kind words and inspiration. I don’t think I can rest until my family and loved ones can open there eyes wide enough to realize what I am trying to do. So far no one even knows about my message or don’t have time to think about the big picture. Yes I struggle but I will know I made it there when my family and loved ones acknowledge it. Thanks again Lolly 🙂
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
By honoring yourself you are honoring others.
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
Rumi the poet, shares beautifully how to honor yourself, “Enter a mine of rubies and bathe in the splendor of your own light.
Wayne McEvilly
07. May, 2013
Lolly:
A post full of items I require of myself to examine, work on, polish.
The weight of a lifetime of negative imagings lies heavily upon the heart.
Everything must be faced.
The heart is our one true compass.
Making progress.
Thanks for all you are doing to show others what can be accomplished when you set your sights and set sail.
Wayne
lollydaskal
08. May, 2013
When you honor yourself, you are honoring what your heart was made to do. You honor your reason for existing.
James Mkumbo
08. May, 2013
thanks Lolly,bless u
Moses Kerejji
08. May, 2013
Lolly, thanks for this, I had always tried to teach people to respect them selves but thought am alone but now I know that we are many.
If we respect ourselves we also respect the will and purpose of God in our lives. we are created for a reason and always God works through us.
Thanks for this wonderful teaching.
Bill | LeadershipHeartCoaching
08. May, 2013
Hi Lolly,
I witnessed someone “not” honoring themselves only yesterday when they purposely lied to their manager out of humility and fear.
I will not go into the story here, except to say I am sure this person is feeling the internal conflicts associated with not being true to oneself, not following their values, and not maintaining harmony and balance with this lie.
On top of all that, this person has yet to discover the manager is aware of the lie. I had that difficult conversation with him yesterday as he was seeking advice on what the next step would be. He was extremely upset because what he looks for first and foremost with his employees is honesty – probably because it is such a high value for him.
Praveen
08. May, 2013
Hi Lolly,
This post was simply amazing.
every time when i read your post, it is just making me to lean back and think for a while, about where i am, what i am, why i am… answers are 1000’s but i can make a choices, i can feel better to know me, i am great full to you & some other leaders who are always trying to change the way.. the beauty of you thoughts & passion of your leadership makes life easy..
I never lie to my self, but sometimes to others.. some times it feels like squeezing my heart between foot & floor.. after realizing why i did it. but your previous post changed me a lot.
Here are my answers.
Q. What do I need to learn about myself today?
A. My Abilities.
Q. Who am I, really?
A. Mentor for my juniors, Junior for my mentors.
Q. What do I need?
A. Financial & Mental Strength.
Q. What are my feelings telling me?
A. Never let any one down & Provoke others mind to spark on their ideas to implement.
Q. How can I surpass self-defeat and find positivity?
A. By killing negativity & failing thoughts on my ming.
Q. What will it take to quiet my mind so I can listen to my heart?
A. In this case, i will provoke my heart to fell the senstivity of my feelings coming from mind.
Q. What am I grateful for today?
A. Everything i am going through, every point, every scenario, Every Positive Feeling.
Q. What do I want of myself?
A. More knowledge, so that i can share it to others.
Thank You So Much
pjmagnus
08. May, 2013
Thanks for your insightful presentation. Keep up the good work.
Paul
Name (required)
08. May, 2013
Lolly, this post was very timely. Today I am home trying to de-stress after a visit with my doctor. I am seriously confronting the issues , whether I am listening to my heart and whether I am actually pursuing my vision for myself. I think it is possible that the stress comes from not honoring myself.
This is definitely food for thought.
Thanks
Francis
08. May, 2013
This last comment was from Francis.
Mike
09. May, 2013
What a great article, I certainly can use this for myself. I always think of my team and never about myself.
Dan Costello
09. May, 2013
I appreciated your post. Honor without ego speaks to me of self love – a much more peaceful place than self absorbtion. Thank you
Ismael
09. May, 2013
Felicidades, Lolly. Me encantó el modo como focalizas el cambio en la propia persona. Al final las acciones honran o desonran tu persona. Congratulations!
omer butt
09. May, 2013
points are above are really effective way to progress.and hard work feel enjoy
Geraldine Bown
10. May, 2013
Hi Lolly I think that what you are saying here is particularly pertinent to women. I was working with a group of women last night and we looked at this from The Tao of Women:
“Stretching herself too thin, she breaks her
connections. Staying too busy she has no time.
Doing for others, she neglects herself.
Defining herself only through others, she loses
her own definition.
The wise woman waters her own garden first”
By mistake, one of my recommendations on LinkedIn referred to me as a Gardner. Yet here I am – helping people to water their own gardens! (There are no mistakes!!)
Thanks Lolly for your brilliant posts and your continued inspiration and example. I am grateful for your presence in my life.
Prof;Amrani
10. May, 2013
Hope you are well today;
would you please my website//www.amrani-lab-aocd.org
I need your comments
Many Thanks
Wole John
10. May, 2013
Thanks to all the leaders in here and to you Lolly, it’s a great privilege coming know you
Ketehouli Razak
13. May, 2013
A big thank to you all. You are really great leaders and if only we can get people like you around us everyday, I think we’ll have a peaceful and better world.
Carthage
23. May, 2013
A lovely post Lolly. Lately, I have started taking time out to make sure that I am in tune with who I really am. As I become more aware, I find myself either choosing more appropriate behaviour or catching myself before I stray too far down the wrong path. I am still making some mistakes but that’s to be expected.